G\u00fcl bah\u00e7elerindeki gonca g\u00fcl\u00fcm…<\/p>\n
Ne Elif’i (c.c.) bilebildim ne M\u00eem’i (s.a.v.)!<\/p>\n
Ke\u015fke, Elif gibi dimdik duran r\u00fbhunuz kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda bir “dal” olsayd\u0131m! Mecb\u00fbriyetten de\u011fil… Hele “g\u00f6rs\u00fcnler beni” diye hi\u00e7 de\u011fil! \u0130\u00e7imden geldi\u011fi gibi… B\u00fct\u00fcn mahl\u00fbkata ald\u0131r\u0131\u015f etmeden…<\/p>\n
Senelerdir a\u015fk\u0131n ate\u015fiyle inleyenim… O zamandan beri seni hayal ederek aziz r\u00fbhunu \u00e7a\u011f\u0131ran\u0131m… Hem uykumda hem de uyan\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131mda… Yolda… Ovada… Obada… K\u0131\u015flarda… Yazlarda… Yaln\u0131zl\u0131klarda… Kalabal\u0131klarda… Yerde s\u00fcr\u00fcklenir iken… G\u00f6kte dilenir iken… \u0130b\u00e2detlerimde ve fen\u00e2 fill-a\u015fk m\u00fcddetlerimde…<\/p>\n
Sen s\u00eenemi hasret kam\u00e7\u0131s\u0131yla d\u00f6vd\u00fck\u00e7e her dakika, binlerce \u00e2lem sarar etr\u00e2f\u0131m\u0131… Veya r\u00fbhum \u00e2lemlerin etraf\u0131n\u0131 sarmalar! Anlamad\u0131m… Fakat yemin etmi\u015ftim t\u00e2 seneler \u00f6nce mest\u00fbri kalaca\u011f\u0131ma dair. Ooofff! Sult\u00e2n\u0131m… Y\u0131llarca sustum! B\u0131\u00e7ak kemi\u011fe dayand\u0131! Diy\u00e2r diy\u00e2r a\u015fk\u0131n\u0131n ard\u0131nda ko\u015far iken me\u015frebimi bile kaybettim. Ne Hanef\u00ee’yim, ne Hanbel\u00ee, ne \u015e\u00e2fi\u00ee ne de M\u00e2lik\u00ee! S\u00f6yler misin Allah a\u015fk\u0131na ben neredeyim?<\/p>\n
“L\u00e2edriyye” girdab\u0131nda bo\u011fulmak \u00fczereyim! Ne bid\u00e2yetimde ne de nih\u00e2yetimde fel\u00e2ket istedim! Kaderime hel\u00e2ket mi d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f? Ooof anammmm ooof! \u0130mdaat eyle, ne olursun, ey g\u00fczellik \u015fah\u00e2nesi…<\/p>\n
\u0130\u00e7inde tutsak kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m alevler \u00f6yle \u015fiddetlendi ki ben bile art\u0131k dayanam\u0131yorum! H\u00fcd\u00e2 c\u00e2n\u0131m bilir… E\u011fer bir defa dahi olsa dua etmeyecekseniz z\u00e2r\u0131 z\u00e2r\u0131 a\u011flar\u0131m! L\u00e2kin size besledi\u011fim a\u015fk\u0131n bit(me)mesi i\u00e7in Rabb’ime (c.c.) y\u00f6nelirim! Nolayd\u0131, d\u00fcnya g\u00f6z\u00fcyle son defa olsa bile huzurunda iki b\u00fckl\u00fcm h\u00e2lde iken r\u00fbhumu aziz ve muall\u00e2 r\u00fbhun ile konu\u015ftursayd\u0131m… G\u00f6z g\u00f6ze gelmeye cesaret edemesem de beni oldu\u011fu gibi kabul etseydiniz o \u015ferefy\u00e2b g\u00f6n\u00fcl saltanat\u0131n\u0131za… Kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zda sessizce l\u00e2kin ar\u015f-\u0131 \u00e2l\u00e2’da yeterince itmi\u2019n\u00e2na ermi\u015f\u00e7esine…<\/p>\n
Say\u0131s\u0131 belli bile de\u011fil t\u00f6vbelerimin. “\u0130stemem” dedim, vel\u00e2kin r\u00fbh-u c\u00e2n\u0131n beni ard\u0131ndan s\u00fcr\u00fckleyip durdu… Her defas\u0131nda binbir yerimden yaraland\u0131m! Me\u011fer a\u015fk\u0131n t\u00f6vbesi t\u00f6vbelerin en \u00e7etini imi\u015f!<\/p>\n
R\u00fbhum yolunuza kurban olsun. Fakat bundan \u00f6te t\u00e2katim kalmad\u0131. Kim oldu\u011fumu unuttum. Ben ben miyim? Sen sen misin? Suallerim da\u011f gibi y\u0131\u011f\u0131lsalar da d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncemi kaybettim… \u015euurumdan tamamen ayr\u0131lan\u0131m! 20 senedir huzursuzum… Ya\u015f\u0131m 40 olsa ne yazar!? H\u00e2len kem\u00e2liyet mertebesine ula\u015famayan zavall\u0131n\u0131n tekiyim!<\/p>\n
N\u00e2encam bir a\u015fk\u0131n pe\u015fine mi tak\u0131ld\u0131m? Ben nerelerde hata yapt\u0131m!? Neden uzaklarda iken yak\u0131n ate\u015finizde h\u00e2rrun al\u00e2 h\u00e2r da\u011fland\u0131m?<\/p>\n
G\u00f6z\u00fcm hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi g\u00f6remese de g\u00f6nl\u00fcm ayr\u0131l\u0131k hicr\u00e2n\u0131 ile akl\u0131n\u0131 yitiren \u015eems’in g\u00f6nl\u00fcne d\u00f6nd\u00fc! Ne evlere s\u0131\u011fabildim ne de kitaplara mevz\u00fb olmu\u015f saraylara! Kasemen bill\u00e2h hi\u00e7bir yere s\u0131\u011famad\u0131m! Ben bu hazin yolculu\u011fumda inkisardan ba\u015fka hi\u00e7bir \u015fey ile kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmad\u0131m! G\u00f6k k\u00fclliyen \u00fczerime d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc! Yer ise bana sahip \u00e7\u0131kmay\u0131 bile \u00e7ok g\u00f6rd\u00fc…<\/p>\n
E\u011fer bug\u00fcn bana deseler ki “Gel bize ve bizimle kal”. Gelmek isterim amma ve l\u00e2kin aralar\u0131n\u0131za kar\u0131\u015fmak istemem! Size ve davan\u0131za l\u00e2 yem\u00fbt a\u015fk\u0131m\u0131 yitirmemek i\u00e7in yine uzaklarda kalmay\u0131 tercih ederim!<\/p>\n
Ben insano\u011flunun gadd\u00e2rane meydana getirdi\u011fi entrikalardan Rabb’ime s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131m! \u0130ster kendilerini m\u00fcsl\u00fcman zannetsinler isterler ise mukaddes kit\u00e2b\u0131 ink\u00e2r etsinler! \u0130nsanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n meydana getirdi\u011fi tuzaklardan Mevl\u00e2m’a s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131m! Zira ben 17 sene \u00f6nce o entrikalar\u0131n bir kurban\u0131y\u0131m! Boynum g\u00f6vdemden kopart\u0131l\u0131r iken merhamet edip beni dinleyip bana sahip \u00e7\u0131kacak bir Allah’\u0131n kuluna dahi rastlayamad\u0131m! Ke\u015fke geberip gitseydim de sevdiklerimin vefas\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131na \u015fahit olmasayd\u0131m!<\/p>\n
\u0130nkis\u00e2r \u00f6yle bir hafakanm\u0131\u015f ki onu tarif edebilmek i\u00e7in 100 ciltlik bir eser meydana getirseler de tam manas\u0131yla izah edemezler…<\/p>\n
Ben gurbette g\u00fczeller g\u00fczeli kudretinizin a\u015fk\u0131na tutulan\u0131m…<\/p>\n
Ne olur sanki?<\/p>\n
Bir sel\u00e2m\u0131n\u0131z i\u00e7in varl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 yok edip yoklu\u011fumu var ederdim!<\/p>\n
Sult\u00e2n\u0131m…<\/p>\n
Ben yine gevezelik ettim. Affedin beni, yine Allah a\u015fk\u0131na!<\/p>\n
H\u00fcd\u00e2 celle cel\u00e2l sizi kuzular\u0131n\u0131zdan ay\u0131rmas\u0131n…<\/p>\n
Ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n verdi\u011fi ac\u0131mas\u0131z ac\u0131lar\u0131 ben bilirim…<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Tugay Mola<\/p>\n
05\/05\/2016<\/p>\n
Not: Kalbe geldi. Tasnif ve tashih edilmedi! Bazen “siz” dedik, bazen ise “sen”… Sevgilileriniz inans\u0131nlar ki bunun sebebini bilemedik! Bildik ki yine k\u00fcstahl\u0131k ettik! Niy\u00e2z\u0131m Hakk’a idi! T\u0131pk\u0131 Niy\u00e2zi’nin Hakk’a oldu\u011fu gibi…<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
G\u00fcl bah\u00e7elerindeki gonca g\u00fcl\u00fcm… Ne Elif’i (c.c.) bilebildim ne M\u00eem’i (s.a.v.)! Ke\u015fke, Elif gibi dimdik duran r\u00fbhunuz kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda bir “dal” olsayd\u0131m! Mecb\u00fbriyetten de\u011fil… Hele “g\u00f6rs\u00fcnler beni” diye hi\u00e7 de\u011fil! \u0130\u00e7imden geldi\u011fi gibi… B\u00fct\u00fcn mahl\u00fbkata ald\u0131r\u0131\u015f etmeden… Senelerdir a\u015fk\u0131n ate\u015fiyle inleyenim… O zamandan beri seni hayal ederek aziz r\u00fbhunu \u00e7a\u011f\u0131ran\u0131m… Hem uykumda hem de uyan\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131mda… Yolda……<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":17544,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"saved_in_kubio":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"fifu_image_url":"","fifu_image_alt":"","_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[145,312,153],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17507","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dusunce","category-ekim-26","category-tugaymola","category-145","category-312","category-153","description-off"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t