G\u00fcnlerden 19 Ocakt\u0131, 2010. Eve kapanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Yenice d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. Kendime bir kahve \u0131smarlad\u0131m. Biraz mahmurluk var \u00fczerimde. Sanki ben g\u00f6kte ve herkes yerde gibi bir hal bu. \u0130nsan g\u00fcnde 99 defa de\u011fi\u015fim ya\u015far. \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck bu ise…<\/p>\n
Kalb k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131k\u00e7a ruh kem\u00e2le erer. \u0130nkis\u00e2r ya\u015fanmadan ruh olgunlu\u011fa er(e)mez. Ke\u015fke do\u011fu\u015ftan m\u00fcsl\u00fcman olarak kalsayd\u0131k.<\/p>\n
Ke\u015ff-i zam\u00e2iri ba\u011fr\u0131nda bar\u0131nd\u0131ran s\u0131rlar diy\u00e2r\u0131 vatan ey! Yer vurdu. G\u00f6k vurmak zorunda kald\u0131. D\u00fc\u015fman k\u0131rd\u0131. Dost par\u00e7alad\u0131. Her h\u00e2le ra\u011fmen sen d\u00fc\u015fmedin g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fcn zihninden. M\u00e2h r\u00fbyum…<\/p>\n
Her ge\u00e7en g\u00fcn seni d\u00fc\u015fledim, hayalimin hat\u0131rlanamayan diliminde saklansan da. Akl\u0131mda yerin kal(a)masada g\u00f6nl\u00fcmde ki beytin hi\u00e7 bir zaman kaybolmaz. \u00c7ek k\u0131l\u0131c\u0131n\u0131! Vur c\u00e2n\u0131ma. Kurband\u0131r sana varl\u0131\u011f\u0131m. Ke\u015fke senin i\u00e7in kan\u0131m aksa idi. \u015eehitlik meydan\u0131nda b\u00fbselenseydim sana ey vatan. Keserlerken f\u0131s\u0131lt\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 seni besteleseydim. G\u00fcne\u015f do\u011fmadan sana “kamerben” nurlansayd\u0131m. Topra\u011f\u0131nda n\u00fbrun \u00e2la n\u00fbr bir kandil olabilseydim…<\/p>\n
Burnumda t\u00fctersin c\u00e2n vatan. Seni hayalimde berden sel\u00e2men alevlerken burnumun direkleri s\u0131zlamasa da g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fcn hasret ac\u0131s\u0131 bin ekber g\u00f6klere f\u0131rlad\u0131. Yakt\u0131n beni hasret ate\u015finle ey vatan… Ke\u015fke hep sana yansayd\u0131m c\u00e2n memleketim. Bir daha ayr\u0131lmamak \u00fczre ba\u011fr\u0131na han\u00e7erlenseydim senin… Ooofff vatan… Bir, bir bilsen nas\u0131l hasretim. Ne Arap topra\u011f\u0131n\u0131n (Allah n\u00eemeti) petrol\u00fc paha kesebilir hasretime, ne Asya co\u011frafyas\u0131n\u0131n yeni haddi!<\/p>\n
Yanar\u0131m yanar. S\u00f6zlerimi sat\u0131r sat\u0131r keserek s\u00f6ylerim ey vatan. Okunmak de\u011fil, sana kavu\u015fmakt\u0131r en b\u00fcy\u00fck emelim. K\u00e2be yan\u0131nda oturan da, seninle bulunan (da) vatand\u0131r, ey vatan. Hasret hiddetlenirken yine vuslat merhametlenirken beni m\u00e2k\u00e2m-\u0131 r\u0131za’nda destg\u00eer olanlardan eyle ey\u2026<\/p>\n
K\u00e2fir hakir olacak, z\u00e2lim zelil… Ooff, ya g\u00f6nl\u00fcme n\u2019olacak? B\u00fclb\u00fcller sabah uykusunda olanlar\u0131 d\u00e2v\u00fbd\u00ee sese ra\u011fmen Muhammed\u00ee nefesle uyand\u0131r\u0131rlarken, beni ba\u011fr\u0131ndan c\u00fbd\u00e2 etme ey vatan… Vatan vatan a\u011flasam bu gecelik duyar m\u0131s\u0131n b\u00e2r-i em\u00e2netimde sana olan heyecan\u0131m\u0131 ve bin hasret hezey\u00e2n\u0131m\u0131. Dirilt beni ey vatan. Dirileyim sen(i)nle. Duyur beni, duyay\u0131m seni ey vatan…<\/p>\n
Hodb\u00een nefsim y\u0131llar\u0131 \u00f6\u011f\u00fcterek ge\u00e7irirken o eskimemi\u015f diy\u00e2r\u0131n Mukarrab\u00een’i yer yer olsa da zuhur ederdi ruhumun tap\u0131na\u011f\u0131na. El uzat\u0131p g\u00f6n\u00fcl alan o Hatm-i h\u00e2ceg\u00e2n nefes nerede? Nedendir gelmedi? Uzun zamand\u0131r h\u00e2limi sormaz oldu. Nedendir ondan mahr\u00fbm(um) ki? “Erv\u00e2h-i akdes-i h\u00e2ceg\u00e2n-\u0131 \u00e2li\u015f\u00e2n-\u0131 Nakbendira ve sirr-i enbiy\u00e2r\u00e2 ber tar\u00eek-i niyaz el-Fatiha<\/em>“…<\/p>\n Ak\u0131l k\u00fcfre kar\u015f\u0131 bilenirse kazan\u0131r. Hakk’a tapand\u0131r s\u0131r\u00e2t\u0131, mustak\u00eem ge\u00e7en. Hakk’\u0131n takipcisi olmakt\u0131 emelim. \u0130stikrar sa\u011flam\u0131\u015f sakal\u0131m-sar\u0131\u011f\u0131m olmasa da sadece ol \u0130sl\u00e2m b\u00e2b\u0131n \u00f6zc\u00fcs\u00fc olsayd\u0131m… Olsayd\u0131m… Olsayd\u0131m. Kim olsayd\u0131m? Ne olsayd\u0131m? Hakk’a R\u0131za dileneyim. R\u0131za’dan ba\u015fka kimsenin tap\u0131c\u0131s\u0131 olmasa(yd\u0131)m. Her g\u00fcn t\u00f6vbe mi olur!? Bir t\u00f6vbe et ki t\u00f6vbeler utans\u0131n d\u00eed\u00e2r tecelliy\u00e2tla….<\/p>\n Ge\u00e7 ey c\u00e2n, candan. Had\u00eekatu’l-erv\u00e2h’\u0131n h\u00e2dimu\u2019l-fuk\u00e2ras\u0131 ben olsayd\u0131m. Melek\u00fbt \u00e2lemini ve Cebberr\u00fbt \u00e2lemini Vahid elden seyreden olsayd\u0131m…. Y\u0131rt\u0131ls\u0131n ac\u0131lar\u0131m. Kurtulsun hasretim….<\/p>\n Ahmed-i Bedev\u00ee Hazretlerini bir ara seyrederlerken kendi kendime d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. 23 sene, belki de daha fazla kap\u0131s\u0131nda dilenen o b\u00fcy\u00fck ruhun. Ruh\u00e2niyetinden sanki haber sal\u0131yorlard\u0131 baz\u0131 damarlar\u0131n can al\u0131c\u0131 l\u00e2 mek\u00e2n\u0131na, l\u00e1 zaman\u0131na ve l\u00e2 k\u00e2nununa…<\/p>\n “Bin c\u00e2n\u0131m olsa yine veririm, bir kere y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in.” G\u00fcm g\u00fcm vuruyorlard\u0131. O manzaray\u0131 ya\u015fayan perdesiz bir \u00e2n ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f. Selam olsun o b\u00fcy\u00fck Ruh Ahmed-i Bedev\u00ee ve s\u00e2d\u0131k-\u0131 \u015fehit tecell\u00eeg\u00e2h\u0131na. Abdulmecid kanatlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 g\u00f6kler \u00fcst\u00fc g\u00f6klere… Ooof, bu ne b\u00fcy\u00fck ikr\u00e2mullah. \u0130md\u00e2t y\u00e2 Seyyid el-Bedev\u00ee! B\u00e2b-\u0131 Mu\u00e2ll\u00e2’da vesile-i d\u00fcny\u00e2n baban y\u00fcz\u00fc h\u00f6rmetine meded y\u00e2 Seyyid el-Bedev\u00ee…<\/p>\n Abd\u00fclkadir-i Geyl\u00e2n\u00ee, Ahmed Rif\u00e2\u00ee, Sirr\u00ee-yi Sekat\u00ee, Ma’r\u00fbf-i Kerh\u00ee, Hall\u00e2c-\u0131 Mans\u00fbr, C\u00fcneyd-i Bagd\u00e2d\u00ee ziyaret edilmi\u015fti. (M)1236 “Tanta” denecekti. (H)1436 da kime ne s\u00f6ylenecek(ti), acep? Al\u00e2 kulli cerhi cerahtuh\u00fbl\u00ee, yine derim y\u00fczbin defa \u015f\u00fckran….<\/p>\n Ey yolcu!<\/p>\n Hasretin ve merhametin bulu\u015ftu\u011fu dakikada s\u00f6ylendim s\u00f6ylediklerimi. Ne t\u00e2kip\u00e7i kal\u0131r, nede rakip\u00e7i. Ne s\u00f6z, ne m\u00e2n\u00e2. Yokluk \u00e2n\u0131, ki gibi. Saatin bile hesaba s\u0131\u011famayaca\u011fa bir zaman dilimi vard\u0131r. L\u00e2 zaman de\u011fildir belki. Ama l\u00e2 z\u00e2mana yak\u0131n olabilir. S\u00f6zlerimi ister kibir say, ister g\u00fcnah addet. \u0130stersen beni cehennemle ith\u00e2m et. Sana de\u011fildir, nefsimedir hasbih\u00e2lim. Ona l\u00e2net ederim g\u00fcnde 73 firk\u00e2t.<\/p>\n D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn ki pen\u00e7e-i \u00c2l-i Ab\u00e2 bayra\u011f\u0131n\u0131n ta\u015f\u0131y\u0131c\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n bir z\u0131rdel\u00ee dilencisi olsayd\u0131m. Kenn\u00e2s olsam da g\u00f6n\u00fcllerinde bir “Nahnu Museyyer\u00fbn”lerinden olsayd\u0131m. “\u015eafa\u011fa yemin ederim ki sizler mutlaka h\u00e2lden h\u00e2le binecek\/ge\u00e7eceksiniz!” (\u0130n\u015fik\u00e2k suresi 18-19…) i\u00e7indir. Dilenirim, e\u011fer dilencili\u011fimi kabul edecek keb\u00eer g\u00f6n\u00fcller var ise. Bil ki duaya muhta\u00e7 olan hepimiziz. Ancak “herkesten \u00e7ok benim dua ya ihtiyac\u0131m var” dersem beni haks\u0131zl\u0131kla su\u00e7layamazs\u0131n in\u015faallah ey yolcu. Her ne kadar d\u00fcnyaya muhta\u00e7 oldu\u011fum san\u0131lsa da.<\/p>\n N\u00e2di Ali! “Yeti\u015f Ya Ali” nid\u00e2s\u0131d\u0131r bu, bilindi\u011fi gibi. Halife h\u00fccresinde ke\u015fke 40 g\u00fcnl\u00fck riyaz\u00ee orucum olsayd\u0131. Abdu’z-z\u00e2hir olsayd\u0131m! Kur’an-\u0131 Mukaddeste 18 defa zikredilirken ez-Z\u00e2hir’in esr\u00e2r\u0131nda o \u00e2na haz\u0131r olsa(yd\u0131)m…<\/p>\n Can bedenden \u00e7\u0131kmay\u0131nca bilemeyiz kimin kimden \u00e7ok duaya muhta\u00e7 oldu\u011funu. \u0130htiya\u00e7 sahibi oldu\u011fumu ad\u0131m gibi bilsem de. Bu d\u00fcny\u00e2da her canl\u0131n\u0131n bir rol\u00fc vard\u0131r. Farz et ki s\u00f6zlerim rolden ib\u00e2ret. \u0130nan ki bana inanman ih\u00e2net. \u0130m\u00e2n\u0131n\u0131 de\u011fil, duan\u0131 almaya geldim.<\/p>\n Afyon\u00ee \u00e2b-\u0131 ate\u015f-efr\u00fbz! S\u00f6yler misin, sen hangi ba\u011f\u0131n Muhammed g\u00fcl\u00fcs\u00fcn?<\/p>\n Kevn-\u00fc bevn isterim. \u015ei-bu’s sad’ada ben olsayd\u0131m. Hen\u00fcz Sadeu\u015f-\u015fi’b dahi nasip olmasa da. \u015eiir sen ol, ben k\u00e2fiyen olay\u0131m.<\/p>\n Hz. Muhammed Efendimize Salat ve Selam olsun.<\/p>\n \n Tugay Mola<\/p>\n 24.01.2010<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" G\u00fcnlerden 19 Ocakt\u0131, 2010. Eve kapanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Yenice d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. Kendime bir kahve \u0131smarlad\u0131m. Biraz mahmurluk var \u00fczerimde. Sanki ben g\u00f6kte ve herkes yerde gibi bir hal bu. \u0130nsan g\u00fcnde 99 defa de\u011fi\u015fim ya\u015far. \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck bu ise… Kalb k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131k\u00e7a ruh kem\u00e2le erer. \u0130nkis\u00e2r ya\u015fanmadan ruh olgunlu\u011fa er(e)mez. Ke\u015fke do\u011fu\u015ftan m\u00fcsl\u00fcman olarak kalsayd\u0131k. Ke\u015ff-i zam\u00e2iri ba\u011fr\u0131nda bar\u0131nd\u0131ran…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16663,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"saved_in_kubio":false,"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"fifu_image_url":"","fifu_image_alt":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[145,276,153],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16637","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dusunce","category-ekim-24","category-tugaymola","category-145","category-276","category-153","description-off"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/Picture-1.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16637"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16637"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16637\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16638,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16637\/revisions\/16638"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16663"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16637"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16637"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16637"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}