Ey lemhat\u00fcl\u2010basar sevincim\u2026<\/p>\n
Gecemin\u00a0mu\u011fann\u00eesi\u00a0b\u00fclb\u00fcl-i\u00a0\u015f\u00e2d\u00e2n\u00a0\u015fak\u0131yor.<\/p>\n
\u201cA\u015fk\u00a0e\u011fer\u00a0r\u00fbz\u2010i\u00a0ezel\u00a0der\u00a0(i\u00e7inde)\u00a0d\u00eel \u00fc\u00a0d\u00eev\u00e2ne\u00a0neb\u00fbd\u00a0(yok\u00a0idiyse)\u00a0t\u00e2\u00a0ebed!<\/em><\/p>\n Zirge\u00a0(zira)\u00a0felek\u00a0n\u00e2le\u2010i\u00a0(inilti)\u00a0mest\u00e2ne\u00a0neb\u00fbd\u00a0(yoktur)!\u2019\u2019\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Ben\u00a0de\u00a0derim\u00a0ki:<\/p>\n Ey S\u00fcb\u00fbt! Ey V\u00fcc\u00fbd! E\u011fer a\u015fk\u0131m ezel g\u00fcn\u00fcnden beri g\u00f6nl\u00fcmde d\u00eev\u00e2ne de\u011fildiyse, b\u00e2r\u00ee t\u00e2 ebede kadar fele\u011finin\u00a0alt\u0131nda\u00a0n\u00e2le\u2010i\u00a0mest\u00e2nen\u00a0olay\u0131m!<\/p>\n Ey\u00a0Umut!\u00a0Ey\u00a0S\u00fckut!\u00a0Ey\u00a0Nutuk!\u00a0Ey\u00a0Ufuk!\u00a0E\u011fer\u00a0azab\u0131m\u00a0ebed\u00a0g\u00fcn\u00fcnden beri g\u00f6nl\u00fcmde v\u00eerane de\u011fil idiyse,\u00a0b\u00e2ri\u00a0\u00a0t\u00e2\u00a0ezele\u00a0kadar\u00a0mele\u011finin\u00a0y\u00e2d\u0131nda\u00a0K\u00e2be\u2010i\u00a0Dosth\u00e2nen\u00a0olarak\u00a0kalay\u0131m.<\/p>\n Ey\u00a0Hubist\u00e2n!\u00a0Ey\u00a0A\u015fkist\u00e2n!\u00a0Ey\u00a0\u0130nan!\u00a0Ey\u00a0Ezan!\u00a0Ey Her An! Ey benden \u00e7ok uzak olan! Ey bug\u00fcn (\u015fu anda) hat\u0131r\u0131mdan ge\u00e7erken\u00a0yok\u00a0olan! Ey bende \u00e7ok uzak duran! Hat\u0131r\u0131mdan ge\u00e7erken uza\u011f\u0131mda yan\u0131yorsun. Uza\u011f\u0131mdan ge\u00e7erken hat\u0131r\u0131m\u0131 yine yak\u0131yorsun! Hal yan\u0131yorsun ve hala yak\u0131yorsun\u2026 Yand\u0131 viranelere yas ba\u011flam\u0131\u015f dost\u00e2ne yollar\u2026 Soldu berg\u2010i\u00a0haz\u00e2n\u0131m (sonbahar yapra\u011f\u0131m) akt\u00e2r\u2010\u0131 cih\u00e2n\u0131mda (d\u00fcnyam\u0131n d\u00f6rt bir yan\u0131nda)!<\/p>\n Gel\u00a0ey Can, gel de c\u00e2n\u0131m\u0131\u00a0al!\u00a0Ancak\u2026 Can\u0131m\u0131 almadan \u00f6nce,\u00a0bu\u00a0gece\u00a0\u201cLem\u00a0hat\u00fcl-basar\u201d (g\u00f6z a\u00e7\u0131p kapayana kadar \u00e7ok k\u0131sa bir an) sus! Sus ve beni\u00a0dinle!\u00a0Dinle\u00a0ve\u00a0sonra c\u00e2n\u0131m\u0131 al ey c\u00e2n! C\u00e2n\u0131m\u0131 almadan \u00f6nce \u00e2n\u0131m\u0131 dinleme l\u00fctfunda bulunman\u0131 intizar ederim. Cen\u00e2b\u2010\u0131 \u015fah\u00e2neni intiz\u00e2r ettim. Seni\u00a0bekledim. Ne\u00a0bir sel\u00e2m\u0131n geldi kap\u0131 aral\u0131\u011f\u0131na. Ne de\u00a0bir kel\u00e2m\u0131n\u00a0serildi geceler yar\u0131s\u0131na! Bug\u00fcn yan\u0131ma sokulan ac\u0131lar birer birer m\u00fcrekkebime de\u011fdiler. Ate\u015f ya\u011far beyt\u2010i\u00a0k\u00e2l elemime! Da\u011flar\u00a0a\u011flar. Ben yank\u0131lan\u0131r\u0131m. Ocaklar \u00e7a\u011flar. Ben saklan\u0131r\u0131m, sanc\u0131lan\u0131r\u0131m!<\/p>\n D\u00eel\u2026 Ne\u00a0dilimi alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131n\u00a0 ne de d\u00eel\u00eemi;\u00a0kendi\u00a0halinde\u00a0b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131n. \u00c2heste\u00a0r\u00e2n\u00a0c\u00e2n\u0131m! Ne beni dinlemi\u015ftin,\u00a0ne de\u00a0cen\u00e2b\u2010\u0131\u00a0z\u00e2t\u0131n\u0131 bildirmi\u015ftin. \u00c2heste ol da dilbesten olay\u0131m! G\u00f6kte\u00a0ol da, d\u00eelhastan olay\u0131m. Biliyordum\u00a0ki beni\u00a0bir\u00a0g\u00fcn unutacakt\u0131n. Hayat\u0131mda yakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n ayr\u0131l\u0131k\u00a0\u00e7er\u00e2\u011f\u0131, mem\u00e2t\u0131mdaki\u00a0ber\u00e2berli\u011fimizin\u00a0remzi\u00a0de\u011fil miydi?\u00a0 T\u00e2k\u00e2tim\u00a0yoktu. Ancak\u00a0\u00a0sabr\u0131ma bir\u00a0defac\u0131k olsun\u00a0zuh\u00fbr\u00e2t\u0131n\u00a0olmad\u0131. Sen\u00a0\u015famland\u0131n\u00a0(mumland\u0131n). Ben\u00a0sakland\u0131m. Ben\u00a0ba\u011fland\u0131m. Sen a\u011fland\u0131n. Ben\u00a0s\u00f6ylendim\u00a0sen\u00a0dinlendin.\u00a0Ancak\u00a0y\u0131ld\u0131zlar\u00a0dediler\u00a0ki \u201chalin\u00a0peri\u015fan!\u201d Bana s\u00f6ylenenlerin halleri\u00a0ki\u00a0hepsinden\u00a0dir\u00e2h\u015fen!\u00a0G\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fcler\u2026\u00a0Kim\u00a0kimdedir? Hayat\u0131m\u0131n ayr\u0131l\u0131k ate\u015fini alevlendirmen\u00a0ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n\u00a0emsi\u00a0(d\u00fcn\u00fc)\u00a0de\u011fil miydi\u00a0ki?\u00a0\u00a0\u00c2hest\u00ea\u00a0r\u00e2n, c\u00e2n\u0131m. N\u2019olursun a\u011f\u0131r git c\u00e2n\u0131m.\u00a0A\u011f\u0131r\u00a0git\u2026\u00a0H\u0131z\u0131na\u00a0h\u0131z\u00a0katamam\u00a0ben.\u00a0Acizim. \u00c2heste\u00a0git. \u00c2heste\u00a0r\u00e2h\u2026\u00a0\u201c\u015e\u00ee\u015fe\u2010i\u00a0D\u00eelim\u00a0Ya\u00a0Mevl\u00e2. Z\u00eer\u2010i seng \u00e2mede\u2026\u201d<\/em>\u00a0K\u00e2lbimin\u00a0c\u00e2m\u0131\u2026 Kalbimin\u00a0z\u00fcc\u00e2c\u0131\u2026 \u00c2heste\u00a0git\u2026 Z\u00eer\u00e2 \u015f\u00ee\u015fe\u2010i d\u00eelim k\u0131r\u0131lacak. Yerin alt\u0131nday\u0131m. A\u011f\u0131r ge\u00e7 \u00fczerimden. D\u00fc\u015fmanlar duyacak! Leyl\u2010i\u00a0c\u00e2n\u0131m. \u00c2heste\u00a0ge\u00e7! N\u2019olursun, s\u00f6yle s\u00f6ylemek istedi\u011fini. Seni duymak isterim.<\/p>\n \u2026<\/p>\n Y\u00fbsuf\u2019un\u00a0Z\u00fcleyh\u00e2\u00a0a\u015fk\u0131\u00a0z\u00eer\u2010i\u00a0sengimin\u00a0(yeralt\u0131m\u0131n) zengine\u00a0(ziline) basar\u00a0oldu. S\u00fbr\u2019un \u00fcflendi\u011fi gece\u00a0rehg\u00fcz\u00e2r (yolcu)\u00a0olan\u00a0benim.\u00a0Hem\u00a0deli-d\u00eevane\u00a0dolanan\u00a0benim\u00a0Mevlana\u2019m\u0131n etraf\u0131nda. N\u00e2m\u0131 cihan\u0131 ba\u015ftan ba\u015fa dola\u015fan \u015eems\u2019e\u00a0ne\u00a0olmu\u015f\u00a0ki! Esas unutulan benim, avutulan benim! En ac\u0131l\u0131 kederlere yat\u0131r\u0131lan benim! \u015eam\u2019a g\u00f6\u00e7meden \u00f6nce ak\u015famda \u015fam (mum) gibi yak\u0131la benim! Aya \u00e7\u0131kmadan \u00f6nce \u00eem\u00e2n\u0131ndan edilen benim! Afyon\u00ee\u2019dir \u00e7ektiklerim, kederlerim. Kimine g\u00f6re ac\u0131lar, afyon etkisi yapar, uyutur, uyu\u015fturur; kimini ise gafletten uyand\u0131r\u0131r, ar\u0131nd\u0131r\u0131r. Hepsi\u00a0benim!<\/p>\n ..<\/p>\n Cih\u00e2n\u0131n her\u00a0zerresinde\u00a0bir\u00a0sihir\u00a0var\u00a0iken\u00a0sende nas\u0131l\u00a0bir\u00a0sihir olamazd\u0131? Rehg\u00fczar\u0131n ben olay\u0131m. Ancak\u00a0sen\u00a0benim\u00a0\u00e2heste\u00a0r\u00e2n\u00a0olan\u00a0c\u00e2n\u0131m\u00a0ol\u2026 \u201cDelirmi\u015f\u201d derlerse onlara g\u00fclerim. Ben t\u00e2 ezelden beri\u00a0deliydim!\u00a0Hayat\u0131m\u00a0\u00e7ok\u00a0a\u011f\u0131r\u00a0oldu! \u00d6l\u00fcm bile kald\u0131ramad\u0131 hayat\u0131m\u0131n ac\u0131larla dolu\u00a0a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131\u2026\u00a0\u201cNe\u00a0olmu\u015f\u00a0ki\u00a0sana?\u201d diye beni alay edene derim\u00a0ki:<\/p>\n Mezar\u00a0ben,\u00a0ta\u015f\u00a0ben,\u00a0toprak\u00a0bendim. Bir\u00a0H\u00fbb\u00a0vard\u0131,\u00a0bendesiydim! Ancak, \u015fimdi nerededir o H\u00fbb bendim (ba\u011f\u0131m), ne haldedir, bilebilseydim?! \u015eeyh\u00a0Ali Efendi Allah\u2019\u0131\u00a0(cc) d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde ben de ol H\u00fbb\u2019u\u00a0d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordum. Ha\u00a0H\u00fbb,\u00a0ha\u00a0Allah\u00a0(c.c) diyordum. \u0130kisi bir de\u011fil mi ki! H\u00fbb da O\u2019ndan de\u011fil mi, O\u2019na de\u011fil mi, O\u2019nunla de\u011fil mi? H\u00fbb\u00e2n aynas\u0131nda yans\u0131yan O de\u011fil mi? Hem esrar-\u0131 a\u015fk\u0131n \u015farab\u0131ndan i\u00e7erken ba\u015fka neyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnebilirdim, neyi d\u00fc\u015fleyebilirdim ki! A\u015fk denilen \u015fey, Habib-i Vedud\u2019un en mahrem tecellisi de\u011fil miydi?<\/p>\n \u2026<\/p>\n Ben ezelsiz\u00a0ve ebedsiz\u00a0geldim\u2026 Ya\u015fad\u0131m\u2026 S\u00f6yledim\u2026 Yazd\u0131m\u2026 Ben ezelsiz ve ebedsizdim. Ey b\u00fct\u00fcn aray\u0131\u015flar\u0131ma ve bulu\u015flar\u0131ma beni hidayet eden Hud\u00e2m! Ben\u00a0kimseden de\u011fil, yaln\u0131zca sendendim. Sen\u00a0Ezeldin\u00a0ve\u00a0Ebeddin\u00a0Hud\u00e2m!\u00a0Sen ey\u00a0M\u00e2h\u2010i\u00a0Ef\u015f\u00e2n! Biliyorsun: Ruhumun solu\u011funu susturamad\u0131m! \u00d6n\u00fcne ge\u00e7meye g\u00fcc\u00fcm yetmedi. Ben o anlardan \u00f6nce alevlere dalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Ate\u015fler i\u00e7inde berd \u00fc selam ar\u0131yordum, ama \u0130brahim de\u011fildim. Kalbi olmayanda cih\u00e2n\u0131n resmi (s\u00fbreti)\u00a0ne\u00a0gezer?! Cihan\u0131n s\u00eereti kalb-i insan\u0131m duruncaya dek, durulmaya muvaffak eyle.<\/p>\n Ya\u015fat\u00a0beni\u00a0ki\u00a0seveyim\u00a0Seni! Ya\u015fat beni\u00a0ki\u00a0\u00f6zleyeyim\u00a0Seni! Ya\u015fat beni\u00a0ki \u00f6veyim Seni! Ya\u015fat beni ki g\u00f6reyim Seni! Kalbimde! Ya\u015fat beni ki \u00f6leyim senin i\u00e7in! Ya\u015fat beni ki\u2026 Hay\u0131r, hay\u0131r! \u00d6ld\u00fcr beni ki dirilteyim\u00a0Seni benli\u011fimde! \u00d6ld\u00fcr\u00a0beni\u00a0ki dirileyim seninle! \u00d6ld\u00fcr beni ki bileyim Seni \u00f6z\u00fcmde!\u00a0\u00d6ld\u00fcr\u00a0beni\u00a0ki\u00a0dinleyeyim\u00a0Seni i\u00e7imde!\u00a0\u00d6ld\u00fcr\u00a0beni\u00a0ki\u00a0seni saza d\u00f6keyim,\u00a0a\u015fk\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7alay\u0131m bamteli beytimde.\u00a0G\u00f6r beni g\u00f6reyim Seni! Sev beni seveyim Seni! Bil beni bileyim Seni, bildireyim Seni!<\/p>\n \u2026<\/p>\n C\u00e2n\u0131m Efendim!<\/p>\n Ba\u015f\u00a0parma\u011f\u0131n\u00a0boyu\u00a0i\u015faret parma\u011f\u0131ndan\u00a0uzundur! T\u0131pk\u0131\u00a0y\u0131lan\u0131n\u00a0\u00fcrk\u00fct\u00fcc\u00fc\u00a0dili\u00a0gibi\u00a0bir\u00a0uzunlu\u011fu vard\u0131r! H\u00fcseyn\u2019in\u00a0(r.a) k\u00fcheyl\u00e2n\u0131 \u00e7atlamaya geldi\u011finde H\u00fcseyn\u2019imin\u00a0kan\u0131 hen\u00fcz\u00a0Kerbel\u00e2\u2019ya damlamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131! Ali\u2019min\u00a0(r.a)\u00a0mezar\u0131na bomba koyacaklard\u0131\u00a0da \u2018Bismillahirrahmanirrahim\u2019 d\u00fc\u015fecekti bu i\u015fe t\u00e2liban olan en zalimlerin ve\u00a0en \u015f\u00e2kilerin\u00a0ba\u015f\u0131na! Hepsi\u00a0orada\u00a0geberecekti! O bomba infilak\u00a0etmeyecekti ama\u00a0onlar orac\u0131kta par\u00e7alar\u0131na ayr\u0131lacaklard\u0131.<\/p>\n Ey dost!<\/p>\n Fal\u0131na\u00a0bakt\u0131rmak\u00a0i\u00e7in Fatih\u00e2\u2019y\u0131, N\u00e2s\u2019\u0131 ve\u00a0Fel\u00e2k\u2019\u0131 okuyan\u0131 g\u00f6rmedin mi sen?! \u201cBen daha \u015eiraz\u00ee\u2019nin yazd\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n yar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 dahi okumad\u0131m! Ama onun s\u00f6ylediklerinin hepsini ya\u015fad\u0131m!\u201d denecek olsayd\u0131\u00a0kendimi\u00a0nerede\u00a0arayacakt\u0131m\u00a0ki? S\u00e2ki\u00a0\u00e2\u015f\u0131kt\u0131.\u00a0Nergis\u00a0\u00e2\u015f\u0131kt\u0131! E\u011fer \u015fi\u015fe\u2010i c\u00e2m\u0131n ileysem\u00a0senden ba\u015fkas\u0131yla\u00a0olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131ma\u00a0del\u00e2let\u00a0eder! Sadece\u00a0seninle! Ancak, neden \u015fam (mum) gibi\u00a0oldun? Neden\u00a0ate\u015finle\u00a0her\u00a0taraf\u0131m\u0131\u00a0pervaneye\u00a0\u00e7evirdin? Yeminim sende iken neden beni kandilin gibi\u00a0yakmad\u0131n? Senden\u00a0uzak\u00a0de\u011fil\u00a0iken\u00a0neden\u00a0kendini bana pervane yapmad\u0131n\u00a0ki? Ke\u015fke senin yerinde yansayd\u0131m\u00a0da\u00a0sen\u00a0yanmasayd\u0131n!\u00a0Bilmiyor musun ki d\u00eelim sana fed\u00e2 edilmi\u015fti. D\u00eelim\u2026 Hastaland\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, ate\u015flendi\u011fimde,\u00a0yanmalar\u0131mda g\u00f6nl\u00fcm sadece K\u00e2be\u2019nde tavaf etmi\u015fti. Bilmez\u00a0 misin\u00a0ey\u00a0c\u00e2n?!\u00a0R\u00fbz-i\u00a0ezelden\u00a0beri felek\u00a0d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc ac\u0131lar\u0131ma\u2026<\/p>\n Ne\u00a0desem, ne s\u00f6ylesem? E\u011fer ayr\u0131l\u0131k halvetinde olmasayd\u0131m, dilimi bu \u015fekilde l\u00e2b\u00fcd\u00a0konu\u015ftur(a)mazd\u0131m. Sureta ne kadar uzaklarda olsam da, hakiki hayat\u0131m\u0131n hi\u00e7bir an\u0131nda\u00a0senden uzak\u00a0olmad\u0131m. Ancak sen beni hep kendinden uzak g\u00f6rd\u00fcn. Ben ise\u00a0sadece\u00a0seni\u00a0d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Seni bekledim. Seni sevdim. Seni\u2026 Ben ezelden beri sadece\u00a0ba\u015fkalar\u0131na\u00a0k\u00e2fir\u00a0olmu\u015ftum, sana m\u00fc\u2019min. Ancak, sadece senin iman\u0131n olmu\u015ftum\u00a0ben. Halvete gireli neler d\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc a\u011fz\u0131mdan ki g\u00f6nl\u00fc sadece senin sarho\u015fundur! \u00d6n\u00fcmde yand\u0131\u011f\u0131n g\u00fcnden beri o m\u00e2na cih\u00e2n\u0131nda\u00a0bir\u00a0t\u00fcrl\u00fc nurlanamad\u0131m! Sen\u00a0yanarken ben\u00a0nas\u0131l ruhumun a\u011f\u0131d\u0131n\u0131 pervane dindirebilirdim\u00a0ki?<\/p>\n Sen\u00a0k\u00e2m-rev\u00e2!\u00a0(murad\u0131\u00a0yerine\u00a0gelmi\u015f). Ben kan-rev\u00e2n. D\u00eel ef\u015fan k\u00e2hinlerin kehanetlerine aldanma c\u00e2n\u0131m! D\u00eel efg\u00e2n zalimlerin zul\u00fcmlerinden korkma c\u00e2n\u0131m\u2026 Seni Hud\u00e2 koruyacak. Beni senin o korunmu\u015f H\u00fbb ker\u00e2metinde uyand\u0131racak in\u015fallah. Ben buna inand\u0131m c\u00e2n\u0131m. Ad\u0131n\u0131 Hubistanda g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde i\u00e7ime\u00a0\u00f6yle lezzet-i maneviyeler hul\u00fbl etmi\u015fti ki \u015fu anki h\u00e2lim ve k\u00e2lim konu\u015fmama m\u00fcsaade etmedi. \u0130\u00e7imdekileri bana ketmettirdi! Bazen onlar\u0131 ketmetmek isterken onlar bana ketmettirildiler! Ketmim kimde saklan\u0131rsa saklans\u0131n. \u201cMim\u201dde kilitlenen cihan\u0131na a\u00e7\u0131lmak istemi\u015ftim. Y\u0131llar\u00a0oldu! K\u00fcllerini\u00a0m\u00e2zi\u00a0diy\u00e2r\u0131mda savururken \u00e2t\u00ee \u201ck\u00fcll\u00ee\u201dlerini avutuyordu! Bir de bir\u00a0bak\u0131yordu\u2026 O\u00a0anda\u00a0tarihten\u00a0bir sahne\u00a0a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131yordu! Anlatan anlat\u0131yordu! O s\u0131ralar sanki kulaklar ona kesiliyordu. Bir \u00e2lim\u00a0g\u00f6n\u00fcl\u00a0vard\u0131\u00a0ki\u00a0cef\u00e2ya\u00a0ra\u011fmen\u00a0dinliyordu, izliyordu. E\u011fer\u00a0o\u00a0g\u00f6n\u00fcl olmasayd\u0131 kimden g\u00f6n\u00fcl (!) isteyecekti\u00a0ki? E\u011fer\u00a0O cih\u00e2n bulunmasayd\u0131 kime cih\u00e2n (!)\u00a0bulacakt\u0131\u00a0ki? Sadece senin g\u00f6nl\u00fcn vard\u0131! Sadece\u00a0senin\u00a0g\u00f6nl\u00fcn\u00a0\u00e7a\u011flard\u0131! Orada sadece b\u00fclb\u00fcl\u00fcn\u00a0\u015fak\u0131rdard\u0131! O\u00a0anda sadece c\u00e2n\u0131n vard\u0131! Sadece\u00a0Hakk\u0131n\u00a0vard\u0131! Ancak benim de bir\u00a0fark\u0131m\u00a0vard\u0131! Fark\u0131m fark\u0131na var\u0131rken g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fcn firkatine dayanamad\u0131m, a\u011flad\u0131m, s\u0131zlad\u0131m. O c\u00e2n evimi y\u0131kan ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011fa dayanamad\u0131m. Hele o\u00a0ba\u011fevimi yakan\u00a0vuslat sohbetine hi\u00e7\u00a0mi hi\u00e7 doyamad\u0131m! Ey Hubistan\u2019\u0131n H\u00fbb\u00a0g\u00f6nl\u00fc! Ey\u00a0Ekber\u00a0H\u00fbb! Ey\u00a0E\u015fker\u00a0H\u00fbb! Ey\u00a0Berker\u00a0H\u00fbb! Ey\u00a0H\u00fbb! Ey Hubistan diyar\u0131n\u0131n Ulu\u00a0Sevinci! Ey..! Eyy..!\u00a0Eyyyy\u2026..<\/p>\n (\u2026)<\/p>\n Ey\u00a0Hud\u00e2m!<\/p>\n B\u00fct\u00fcn geli\u015flerimin arkas\u0131nda asl\u0131nda ben hep Sana\u00a0geldim. Sana\u00a0belendim! Sana\u00a0dertlendim! Kimseler bilemezdi,\u00a0g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00a0elemdi!\u00a0Kimseler okuyamazd\u0131, cih\u00e2n\u0131m kalemdi! Ya\u011fmak istemi\u015fti! Co\u015fmak istemi\u015fti! Co\u015fturmak istemi\u015fti! Heyh\u00e2t! Hayalleri \u201c\u00f6lendi\u201d!\u00a0H\u00fclyalar\u0131m\u0131n toplu\u00a0mezar\u0131n\u0131\u00a0ke\u015ffettim! Sezdim! Ha\u015fa\u00a0ben n\u2019ettim? Ey\u00a0Sezen! Ey\u00a0Ezen! Ey\u00a0dirilten! Ey\u00a0\u00f6ld\u00fcren! Ey\u00a0her\u015feyi\u00a0her\u015fey\u00a0eden! Ey\u00a0yoku bir \u015fey eden! Ey\u00a0bir\u015feyi yok\u00a0eden! Ey\u00a0g\u00fcl\u015feni sevindiren! Ey\u00a0c\u00e2n\u0131m\u0131\u00a0elime\u00a0em\u00e2net\u00a0veren! C\u00e2n\u0131m kap\u0131na gelmek\u00a0ister\u00a0gayri! E\u011fer bu halde \u00f6leceksem, \u00f6lmeden\u00a0\u00f6nce\u00a0yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u00a0b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcnahlar\u0131m\u0131\u00a0affet! N\u2019olursun\u2026 \u00d6lmeden \u00f6nceki ge\u00e7mi\u015fimi affet! \u00d6lmeden\u00a0bir\u00a0evvel\u00a0ki\u00a0yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u00a0ekber\u00a0g\u00fcn\u00e2h\u0131 affet! Bana ba\u011f\u0131\u015flaman\u0131 ba\u011f\u0131\u015fla! Sen\u00a0Hal\u0131k\u2019\u0131ms\u0131n! Ben\u00a0mahl\u00fbkunum! E\u011fer\u00a0senin\u00a0mahl\u00fbkun\u00a0olmasayd\u0131m bu\u00a0\u015fekilde\u00a0konu\u015fabilir miydim? Konu\u015fturan da sensin, konu\u015fulan da sensin.<\/p>\n Ey\u00a0b\u00fct\u00fcn kap\u0131lar\u0131n kendisine a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 Allah\u2019\u0131m!<\/p>\n Seyr\u00e2n\u0131m\u00a0d\u00f6nerken, devr\u00e2n\u0131m\u00a0evrene\u00a0g\u00f6\u00e7erken\u00a0s\u00f6ylediklerimi ba\u011f\u0131\u015fla. Huzurunda s\u00fck\u00fbt durmam gerekirken, b\u00f6yle bol ac\u0131l\u0131 s\u00f6zlerimle beni\u00a0\u00a0affet\u2026 B\u00fct\u00fcn isteklerimin arkas\u0131nda ben hep seni istedim, seni diledim ey H\u00fbd\u00e2! Ben\u00a0\u201ck\u00e2l\u00fb\u00a0bel\u00e2\u201d\u00a0\u00e7ad\u0131r\u0131ndaki\u00a0bel\u00e2! Sen oradaki Hud\u00e2m ve buradaki Hud\u00e2m! Ey Hud\u00e2m! Affet a\u015fk\u0131na\u00a0k\u00f6le olmu\u015f bu garibi\u2026 Dilim\u00a0yanarken, g\u00f6nl\u00fcm s\u0131zlarken, beynim\u00a0kaynarken\u00a0aylarda y\u0131lland\u0131m! Yeti\u015f\u00a0imd\u00e2d\u0131ma!<\/p>\n \u2026<\/p>\n Ey\u00a0yolcu!<\/p>\n Har\u00e2m\u00eelerin\u00a0gan\u00eemet\u00a0pazar\u0131nda\u00a0dola\u015fan\u00a0benim!\u00a0Sen\u00a0\u00c2r\u00e2milerin,\u00a0\u00c2rab\u00eelerin,\u00a0\u0130br\u00e2n\u00eelerin, T\u00fcrk\u00eelerin, Muhammed\u00eelerin H\u00fbb\u00eelerin g\u00f6n\u00fcl\u00a0saray\u0131ndas\u0131n. Ben\u00a0ise\u00a0\u015feyt\u00e2n\u00eelerin, kezz\u00e2b\u00eelerin hicran\u0131nday\u0131m. Bu\u00a0devr\u00e2n kalemime\u00a0tarak\u00a0ge\u00e7iremedim.\u00a0Ne\u00a0geleni\u00a0g\u00f6rebildim\u00a0ne d bileni sezebildim! Beni\u00a0dinlemek\u00a0isteyen\u00a0yine\u00a0sendin.\u00a0Beni\u00a0bilmek\u00a0isteyen\u00a0yine\u00a0sendin! Ne beni ne de elemimi\u00a0g\u00f6rmeni\u00a0istedim.\u00a0Ancak\u00a0senin\u00a0\u015f\u00e2h\u2010\u0131\u00a0ker\u00e2met\u00a0dualar\u0131n\u0131\u00a0inan hep\u00a0bekledim. Senin H\u00fbbistandaki\u00a0H\u00fbb\u00a0g\u00f6nl\u00fcnden\u00a0dilendim. Dilencili\u011fime\u00a0\u015fahit olamad\u0131ysan dilencili\u011fime nas\u0131l \u015fahit olacakt\u0131n\u00a0ki?\u00a0B\u0131rak\u00a0gitsin!\u00a0\u0130lenmem, bilenmem, dilenmem neyi de\u011fi\u015ftirir\u00a0ki? Bilinmen neyimi \u201cney\u201dle\u015ftirir\u00a0ki! \u00d6yle\u00a0bir\u00a0kesinti belirir ki inan\u00a0bana mezar\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6hertir! Mezar\u0131m ya\u011far k\u0131\u015flarda k\u00fcllenmi\u015f\u00a0k\u00fcleme! Mesr\u00fbd\u00a0olan h\u00e2limi\u00a0ister Faris\u00ee\u00a0dilde tahlil\u00a0et istersen Arab\u00ee nahivde halil\u00a0(dost)\u00a0et! (Mesr\u00fbd\u00a0kelimsesi\u00a0F\u00e2rs\u00eelerde\u00a0\u2018sihir, b\u00fcy\u00fc\u2019\u00a0manalar\u0131na gelir. Arab\u00eelerde ise \u2018dile getirilmi\u015f, s\u00f6ylenmi\u015f\u2019\u00a0manalar\u0131na\u00a0tek\u00e2bul\u00a0eder.) Bana\u00a0da\u00a0dua\u00a0et!<\/p>\n Selam\u00a0aleyk ey\u2026<\/p>\n \u2026<\/p>\n 18 Ekim 2007<\/p>\n Tugay Mola<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Ey lemhat\u00fcl\u2010basar sevincim\u2026 Gecemin\u00a0mu\u011fann\u00eesi\u00a0b\u00fclb\u00fcl-i\u00a0\u015f\u00e2d\u00e2n\u00a0\u015fak\u0131yor. \u201cA\u015fk\u00a0e\u011fer\u00a0r\u00fbz\u2010i\u00a0ezel\u00a0der\u00a0(i\u00e7inde)\u00a0d\u00eel \u00fc\u00a0d\u00eev\u00e2ne\u00a0neb\u00fbd\u00a0(yok\u00a0idiyse)\u00a0t\u00e2\u00a0ebed! Zirge\u00a0(zira)\u00a0felek\u00a0n\u00e2le\u2010i\u00a0(inilti)\u00a0mest\u00e2ne\u00a0neb\u00fbd\u00a0(yoktur)!\u2019\u2019\u00a0 Ben\u00a0de\u00a0derim\u00a0ki: Ey S\u00fcb\u00fbt! Ey V\u00fcc\u00fbd! E\u011fer a\u015fk\u0131m ezel g\u00fcn\u00fcnden beri g\u00f6nl\u00fcmde d\u00eev\u00e2ne de\u011fildiyse, b\u00e2r\u00ee t\u00e2 ebede kadar fele\u011finin\u00a0alt\u0131nda\u00a0n\u00e2le\u2010i\u00a0mest\u00e2nen\u00a0olay\u0131m! Ey\u00a0Umut!\u00a0Ey\u00a0S\u00fckut!\u00a0Ey\u00a0Nutuk!\u00a0Ey\u00a0Ufuk!\u00a0E\u011fer\u00a0azab\u0131m\u00a0ebed\u00a0g\u00fcn\u00fcnden beri g\u00f6nl\u00fcmde v\u00eerane de\u011fil idiyse,\u00a0b\u00e2ri\u00a0\u00a0t\u00e2\u00a0ezele\u00a0kadar\u00a0mele\u011finin\u00a0y\u00e2d\u0131nda\u00a0K\u00e2be\u2010i\u00a0Dosth\u00e2nen\u00a0olarak\u00a0kalay\u0131m. Ey\u00a0Hubist\u00e2n!\u00a0Ey\u00a0A\u015fkist\u00e2n!\u00a0Ey\u00a0\u0130nan!\u00a0Ey\u00a0Ezan!\u00a0Ey Her An! Ey benden \u00e7ok uzak olan! Ey bug\u00fcn (\u015fu anda) hat\u0131r\u0131mdan ge\u00e7erken\u00a0yok\u00a0olan! Ey bende \u00e7ok uzak duran! Hat\u0131r\u0131mdan ge\u00e7erken uza\u011f\u0131mda yan\u0131yorsun. Uza\u011f\u0131mdan…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16214,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"saved_in_kubio":false,"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"fifu_image_url":"","fifu_image_alt":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[144,243,153],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16212","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-edeb","category-eylul-23","category-tugaymola","category-144","category-243","category-153","description-off"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/images-5.jpeg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16212"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16212"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16212\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16213,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16212\/revisions\/16213"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16214"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16212"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16212"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korpekalemler.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16212"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}